Instead we have a room filled with old mattresses, empty boxes, a drawer full of odd socks, some handy coils of rope and a bottle of 20 year old single malt. This sounds like the room of a 15 year old boy (except instead of the single malt it would be a half empty bottle of gatorade with mouldy bits floating on top).
If I were this baby, I would just stay where I am till these people who call themselves parents get their act together. Sure there isn't much leg room, but there's cereal on tap and the woman sure knows how to get a rocking good waddle going on!
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I love hearing from you (and by the way, you're looking lovely today) x